The average number of dates before sleeping together has an evolving answer. It’s not the same code of conduct our parents or grandparents knew. You might be asking “We’ve dated for months. Should I have sex with him?” Or be wondering if “pushy” is a word to describe wanting it after just a few meet-ups.
So, let’s put the question to rest once and for all. How many dates before sleeping together?
Survey Says 5 is the Magic Number
According to a study conducted by OkCupid that lasted over a decade across their entire (and growing) userbase, the results are in on how many dates until sex is an option:
“The perfect time for sleeping with someone is (between) three to six dates, more in the middle — not in the beginning and not after marriage.”
While the previous rule of thumb was three dates before sex, this new study shows the best time is around five dates. It gives you time to get to know each other, establishes what you both want before it gets too serious or moves too fast, and by the time date five has arrived, you’ll know how to ask that special someone to have sex. If your partner isn’t up for that, they’ll have clued you in by then.
But Let’s Not Forget That No Two Relationships Are the Same
If you both agreed this was a sex date, then you both know what you’re there for. At that point, the science for when it’s okay to have sex is in your ballpark. Decide what you want from the relationship and ask what your date wants, and then make a judgment call on how comfortable you feel with the person. Even if you agreed in advance that it’s just a hookup, you can back out if you feel uncomfortable. If it’s just some good ol’ fashioned fun, then the five-date rule doesn’t apply. If you’re both looking for something more serious, a delay in the sexy times will make your relationship better.
Why You Should Hold Off
Stats show that couples are happier in long-term relationships if they handle the sex question early on. It opens up a new level in the relationship, and if you’re just not that into each other when the pants come off or sexual tension is half the charm between you two, you don’t want to wait until after marriage to decide that satisfaction and excitement just isn’t there afterwards.
However, a willingness to wait shows a dedication to long-term commitment, a focus on the person and not the “goods,” and gives you a chance to decide if your date is actually kinda weird before you take it to the next level. Sex complicates everything. Yet sex is better if it’s with a great person – clothed and unclothed.