Why Doesn’t He Want to Sleep With Me?

why he doesnt sleep with me

The first thing to mention is that this is a far from uncommon scenario. Males, especially teenagers and twentysomethings, have gained a reputation of being permanently horny. But this is completely misleading. Human beings, even males, are far more complicated than that! So what are the commonest reasons for guys to be in the position of having ‘lost their mojo’?


Perhaps there are stressful events going on at work, which could be anything from the threat of redundancy to a bullying boss. Men have a tendency to keep problems bottled up, and if your partner is harboring negative emotions he isn’t going to feel like surrendering to the throes of lust anytime soon.

When a person is facing personal issues they will be far more likely to resort to short-term artificial stimulants. Have you noticed your other half drinking far more coffee than they used to, or frequently opening a bottle of wine while watching TV of an evening? Perhaps they’ve visited their GP and been prescribed anti-depressants or have taken to self-medicating with recreational drugs. All of these are symptoms of something more deep-rooted, and they will all have a detrimental impact on his libido.

Keeping fit

Unlike previous generations, males in modern society are encouraged to take great care of their physiques. Gym memberships have rocketed in recent years, and your partner may well enjoy spending time at your local leisure center, lifting weights or pounding the treadmills. He may be involved in any number of sports. While cardiovascular exercise is excellent for staving off longer-term issues such as heart disease, overdoing gym workouts is not a great precursor for strenuous sex sessions.

Online sex

With so much ready access to porn websites, your partner may have developed an unhealthy interest in unattainable women. As well as lowering self-esteem, if he is masturbating excessively he might run out of drive.

Deeper issues

Because males will not be forthcoming with their innermost feelings, there could even be something much darker lurking in the innermost recesses of their minds. Perhaps they are dwelling on sexual abuse they suffered as a child? These events are often suppressed while people grow up, but unpleasant memories can be triggered at any moment, and when they are, the thought of sexual activity is likely to be repellent.

How to react on this?

The important point is that any of these issues can be resolved, and castigating him will only make him worse. There will be reasons for your partner losing his libido, so talk through these and be supportive. What often happens is that admitting problems is over half the battle, making issues much easier to resolve. Once you start sharing secrets the route back to a healthy sex life will be far less rocky.

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